I woke up at 3 a.m. and thought, "Ummm... CG, your friends, and the greater world are going to believe you a crazy loon, so erase what you wrote."
So I did.
Now I find myself in a sober state, revisiting my previous thoughts:
I CAN'T KEEP UP.
I don't think it's coincidence that I moved to an unfamiliar city, not having a friend, and wound up in a dingy basement apartment. I own absolutely NOTHING, except these items: my old school Apple laptop, a printer, a pair of Adidas running shoes, my toiletries, makeup, and my '98 Pontiac Sunfire that I bought for $1500, after my friends' friends' grandmother kicked the bucket. Oh, I did splurge on a juicer that I have used since January 2013.
Everything else was given to me, including all of my pants, blouses, sports bras, most underwear, bras, comforter, my ac wall unit, Dali artwork, and even my socks. My room is furnished with a 30 year old mattress.
Yes, I have an egg crate.
I wash all my dishes by hand, and no, I never eat out. I spend at least 15 minutes in the morning making coffee the old fashioned way: from a perculator. I slice all my vegetables for juicing first thing in the morning. If possible, I jog to work. And if I'm lucky, the job doesn't require that I be freshly showered. I check email 3 times a day. I make my lunch and dinners fresh in the unairconditioned kitchen. I rarely drive more than 10 miles a day, unless I have a shoot or an audition that requires travel. Well, I also drive if I want to venture off to enjoy a social night several times a month.
My point here: I don't have many distractions.
Some of you might feel jealous. You might think, "Wow. What a simple life. That's what I want."
I admit, it's not so bad. I kinda wish I had a dishwasher though. And I also wish my landlord would clean up his garbage from around the perimeter of the house. Yeah, that's kind of annoying. Oh, and the cats. Yep, they are everywhere. No it's not perfect, but it's simple.
Simple AND lonely.
I thought I had to get caught up in facebook land, and texting in order to feel connected.
I CAN'T KEEP UP.
My finger gets tired of sending text paragraphs on my phone. Plus the frenzy of typing on a smart phone, and autocorrect make my heart palpate.
I like to update my status, but seriously... everyone that "likes" my posts are people I never even talk to.
Tonight I took inventory of the friends who I "talk"to on a regular basis, and when I say regular, I mean weekly. I would love for "regular" to translate to daily or every other day.
But every other day ain't reality.
Weekly connection: Two pals.
Ok, two friends that "talk," LIVE. Not so bad. At least that's some real connection, right?
And yes, I am thankful.
However, the majority of our communication is text.
And I'm done with books on text.
I've been spending way too much time falling into the "electronic" trap, and less time on REALLY connecting.
I don't want to feel like my phoning my friends is a bother. But somehow I do!
The norm, is to TEXT or "Facebook". To "Facebook" someone is apparently a verb now.
Really.
I get questions via text: "How are you? What's new?"
Ok, I get it. You are at work, and you can't talk on the phone.
But what happened to leaving voicemails, and the receiving party ACTUALLY listening to the voicemail message?! AND taking the time to set aside 30 minutes to have some COMMUNICATION!
Hmmmm...
Is this really the lasting trend for how to CONNECT?!
What's the point in even having a phone? We might as well just walk around with little fucking keyboards attached to our hands.
So, I cursed, and I think it's time to stop this rant.
I decided tonight, to unplug from the trap.
